my grandmother died over the holiday* it was a very weird thing* it was totally expected but even the expected seemed unexpected* my family has its fair share of drama* in the throws of an "emergency" my family seemed to really act out* i sat there calmly and quietly as my grandmother died* holding her hand* remembering what it was like before everything in her mind had started to fall apart* i wanted so badly for her to be able to tell me all the secrets she had unlocked about life--- but she wasn't able to* or was she?
my sister sent me a link to a video the other day* it was titled "the unassisted birth of ________*" i sat there watching it like someone would watch a train wreck* i am in nursing school and my hope after i graduate is to eventually work in the nicu but to start off in labor in delivery* i find birth to be a beautiful thing* it is amazing how many things have to happen physiologically for the most basic necessity (procreation) of our race to take place* before i realized that my most recent pregnancy was going to be high risk---i had toyed with the idea of using a midwife* i am not freaked out by home births as long as both mother and baby are in a safe environment and have access to medical attention if need be* this lady---in the unassisted birth--- had me thinking she was a downright nut* she was completely undressed* had her two and five year old in the room with her, was screaming at the top of her lungs, and in between contractions was creating (what she called) "a feast of melon" for the two year old* the final shot of her newest "tree"(this is what she called each of her children) was horrifying* the babies head was just there*hanging* for minutes* i have birthed my own children (naturally with no drugs) and i have been present at the birth of a friends child where i was responsible for holding a leg* so honestly, i am really, usually, not freaked out by birth*
after thinking about my reaction few hours i realized something* we come into this world very similarly to the way we leave it* i prefer dealing with the coming into the world part but some people really know how to handle the going out part (my grandmothers nurse for example)* both life and death come and enter into the unknown* they are both work* there is nothing peaceful about either* as ridiculous as i found "unassisted birth lady" to be--- she had a point* we are all trees* we start from nothing* we grow, blossom, and learn* we put in our roots* we create a beautiful complicated life* we shed our leaves and do it over again* and then we start to bend a little* still wise with our knowledge but we start to break down* as we cycle back into the unknown we leave our mark on the known* we make the earth rich, whole, and make room for the next tree to be planted and grow* "unassisted lady" was raw* i mean really raw* she threw it in your face how difficult all life processes are* including the happiest one* i am so thankful for how my tree stands this far and i am even more tankful for the roots that have intertwined my own to give my life that extra pop* g*p*d* planted firm roots and left me with such a strong message* life is work so don't postpone the joy*
