i guess easter weekend worn me out* i remember when i was in high school how hard it was for me to get up in the morning (i'm sure my mom remembers too)* i was a total sleep hound and to be honest i still enjoy my sleep* since r*a*s- has come along i have gotten better about being able to pop straight out of bed on her demands* this morning was a little different* i was really dragging my feet* i was so tired that i decided to turn a movie on netflix and let her sit in bed with me while i snoozed for a few more minutes* i finally got up and decided that maybe a shower would wake me up* nope* i actually fell asleep standing up in the shower* this is super scary considering i am 7.5 months pregnant* i turned the bath on and got r*a*s in there with me to make sure i stayed awake* then we crawled back into bed and i forced her to nap* she was tired too* m*d*s- got off work early today (thank god)* he is still waiting to hear if he is going to have to pick up another job at 4* fingers crossed the answer to that is no*
i still have a lot to accomplish to get ready for this baby* most of these things should have already been done but---they---haven't* today, i should have gotten up and really started working on all of this* but---i---didn't---- :)* r*a*s and i have started on a project together and it has me distracted* we started a garden* anyone who knows me is probably aware that i have a reputation of being able to kill a cactus* i am hoping r*a*s- will bring some luck to our growing adventures* when r*a*s was about 9 months, the two of us spent some time in georgia* my biomoms extended family had a back house and needed someone to come "help" while a knee surgery was taking place* things were sort of crazy in austin and it seemed like a great opportunity to get away and clear my head* one of my duties in georgia was tending to the garden* this-was-horrible* they had a huge, gigantic, enormous, etc--- plot that was fenced in* this plot was at the top of their half mile driveway--- which i am sure was scaled to resemble mt. everest--- which i hiked twice a day to get to the garden* i have never seen so many horrible bugs in all my life, never been so itchy, muddy and dirty* i tended to this garden all while having a 9 month old hanging on my front in a baby bjorn* anyone who has spent even 5 seconds in the georgia mountain area (late spring) will know how hot and humid that place is* oh my gosh, it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it*
aside from the garden my time in georgia with r*a*s- was really awesome* the back house i referred to sat high above a river* the whole front of the back house was a giant window that opened onto a porch* at night, after r*a*s- was asleep, i would sit outside and listen to the river* the family i was staying with lived in a really secluded area* some nights it was so quite that i would get the creeps* i remember being able to breath easy there* r*a*s was learning how to stand up and walk* i remember spending hours on the floor just watching* i had no tv, the internet was pretty shotty, and i went 2 months touching my cell phone only twice* i really needed this* things had been so crazy since i found out i was pregnant with r*a*s- that i had never really had time to think* i wasn't sad, i wasn't mad, i wasn't unhappy---i just was* i feel like i found a piece of myself durning this time* i learned that i could stand on my own to feet and just be alone and still* things had always been so dramatic that i didn't know what it was like to just be* i taught myself to breath and i found a lot of peace in the path my life had taken* this morning i felt worn out again* overloaded* exhausted* when i looked out my window and saw the garden r*a*s and i started it made me laugh* that is my simple reminder of georgia* i brought this back into my life on a subconscious level* i hope maybe i can pass the peace onto r*a*s-* as horrible as that garden was in georgia and for all the times i vowed i would never put myself with that chore again* here i am-- finding my peace in a raw, stripped down, fullfilling growth*
Chlodzic,
TFS
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